Maternal mental health: A dad's perspective

Friday 06 May 2022

As maternal mental health awareness week continues, a first-time dad has shared his experience as it is recognised that perinatal mental health conditions can affect men too.

Primary School Teacher, Jack McGahy, has described fatherhood as being “scary and amazing”. His daughter, Margot Elise McGahy, was born eight months ago.

“It’s a funny job being a dad, especially during pregnancy. I used to think that I was just on the sideline, but that’s not the case at all,” he said. 

“I would encourage other dads to ask questions and get stuck in; the small things on the day of the birth can make the biggest difference. It’s an amazing experience if you know what’s going on, if not it could seem really scary.”

Pictured: Margot McGahy "was on the small side" when she was born. 

Mr McGahy recalls feeling nervous at points throughout his wife’s pregnancy.

“There are stressful moments; during the check-ups I felt worried because I just wanted things to be perfect. The relief afterwards that things were going well could be quite overwhelming,” he said. 

“I think as a couple you both have times of stress; my wife was able to cope with things that I was really stressed about and vice versa. The process can be quite daunting with the check-ups, the classes and an avalanche of information. I found that, once I got excited and opened myself up it, it got a lot easier; you learn a lot and meet some amazing people along the way.”

Mr McGahy said that he found the different stages of pregnancy to be “exciting”.

“The pregnancy was what I had expected; tracking the growth and milestones was just an incredible journey to make together,” he said. 

“During the birth itself you can plan everything to the second, but you can’t truly control anything. Margot was on the smaller side and we had extra check ups and the hospital were amazing, but you still worry."

Pictured: Jack McGahy with his wife, Livvy, and their daughter Margot. 

Mr McGahy continued: “I can’t recall how many times I've recounted with glee being pooed on by Margot, just minutes after she was born. Its all an experience that can't be compared with anything else.

“Now I'm a dad with an eight-month-old, that all seems a lifetime ago. Each week is different with new, incredible moments but also with new obstacles to tackle. You become amazing at adapting but things don't get easier, they just change.”

Mr McGahy said that it was important for parents to “open up”.

“Opening up is being strong. We learned very quickly that a lot of people were having the same worries that we were,” he said. 

“There are no definitive answers as every pregnancy is different. Being open as a couple and with others supporting us made the whole experience bearable. Sometimes just voicing a concern helped and made it less insurmountable, even if it was just by saying it out loud."

Pictured: Jack McGahy said he would encourage dads to talk about how they're feeling.

“It’s also really important to remember that, just because you are tired or had a hard day and need a break, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. We all need time and teamwork helps to get you through the difficult moments. All of it really helps your mental wellbeing and makes you enjoy the time with your baby even more," continued Mr McGahy. 

Mr McGahy said that his family continue to utilise the services of Bright Beginnings Children’s Centre and said the service was “fantastic”.

“We also went to Anita Davies’ classes (at Nurturing Birth & Beyond Guernsey) which were phenomenal. We learned so much, were so well supported and have made some fantastic friends,” he said. 

“A piece of advice I would give other dads is to talk. If you are finding something hard, talk about it. Also, you need to appreciate your partner; tell them they are doing a great job, don’t assume that they already know that,” he said. 

Pictured: Jack McGahy has embraced fatherhood but said there are still stresses and worries.

Mr McGahy continued: “Don’t squash any worries as they may seem small but might change your experience if they’re ignored. Try to enjoy the changes, not fight them; I quite enjoy late night feeds now that I have the right mindset. 

“Being a dad is scary and amazing; there’s no other job like it. Is it all superb? No, but the hard parts make the great parts even greater.”