“If it can happen to Dan, it really can happen to anyone”

Monday 14 November 2022

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Just over three years after Dan Smale died from bowel cancer, his brother Joe and many other people are fundraising for the charity MUG and its #beardup campaign.

In a deeply personal interview, Joe tells Poppy Murray about his brother, his life, their family's grief and life after loss.

Pictured: Joe Cardoso-Smale, one of Guernsey's Smale brothers - known among family and friends for their love of life and each other. 

With a perpetual smile on his face, effortless charm and an infectious laugh, Joe Cardoso-Smale made an instant impression on me as one of my new colleagues. When I was tasked with producing content to promote MUG’s Beard Up campaign within the office, I was surprised to learn that Joe had a strong personal connection to the cause. 

As men all over the island ditch their razors this month in support of Beard Up, Joe opened up about losing his brother, Dan, to bowel cancer in the hopes of encouraging men to talk about their health. As one of the four local ‘Smale brothers’, Joe said Dan was “incredibly popular”.

While Joe has a laugh that can easily fill a room, he said Dan’s would fill the High Street. 

Pictured: Joe said Dan had a smile to light a room and laugh to fill the High Street and was extremely close to his family.

“Everyone knew Dan. He worked for Barclays dealing with client relationships and he met a lot of people through work. He was also massively sociable and was always out, usually with a drink in hand. You could hear him coming down the High Street with his loud laugh; a lot of people have told me they miss hearing it,” said Joe. 

“We have always been known for being a very close family and it’s absolutely true. Us boys are all different, but we’re brothers and our differences never mattered. 

“For family get togethers Dan was more the type to coast along and chip in when he was asked. You could always rely on him to turn up and do what he was asked. He wouldn’t ask what was happening until the last minute but, as the eldest of us, he always gave a great off the cuff speech on behalf of us all” 

Pictured: 'The Dan Smale Trophy' is awarded to the Corporate Fundraiser of the Year for MUG's Beard Up! campaign. Joe hopes to take the trophy home this year with support of a group of colleagues at Saffery Champness who are taking part with him. In the picture behind the trophy Dan Smale (right) is with his three younger brothers; Joe, Josh, and Toby who take part in the Beard Up! event each November, with Joe saying it becomes very competitive between them. 

Despite his relaxed attitude, Joe said that Dan was always on the go. “Dan was always doing something. He loved his job and organising corporate and social events for his clients and colleagues. He was massively into football, playing locally his whole life including for Vale Rec, North and Manzur, going to the gym and running regularly. He was fit and healthy. Dan’s diagnosis made me realise, if it can happen to him, it really can happen to anyone.” 

Joe said that Dan had abdominal pain and changes in his bowel habits for 18 months. 

“Dan was always going to the doctor because of his symptoms, which was exactly what he should have done. Despite seeing different GPs, it was assumed to be Irritable Bowel Syndrome but they dismissed his symptoms every time. 

“I remember Dan attended a wedding in Marrakesh and had been extremely ill, so he went to the doctor again when he came back. His doctor said he must have food poisoning or an infection. Dan kept going back because he knew it wasn’t his diet or food poisoning, but I don’t think he thought it was as serious as it turned out to be.” 

Joe said that the family noticed a difference in Dan. “We would have dinner together on Sundays and Dan had always wolfed his food down then rushed to the lounge to watch football or Top Gear. 

“Before his diagnosis, I remember a couple of Sunday’s where he wasn’t eating and he was lying on the floor in a lot of pain. It was clear something was going on, but none of us thought anything was seriously wrong. It was a massive shock when we got the news.” 

After going to hospital with a fever and swollen glands Dan was given a colonoscopy.

Pictured (l-r): Josh, Dan, Tracy (mum), Joe, and Stuart (dad).

“In April 2017, they found a tumour the size of a small orange. He had surgery two days later to remove the tumour and several lymph nodes, and later chemotherapy,” said Joe 

“Dan never wanted people to know about his chemotherapy and he would rarely talk about the cancer or treatments. He carried on working and led his normal life. He was incredibly headstrong and didn’t want anyone to know he was in pain or suffering,” said Joe. 

“One of the only things that showed anything was different was that, because of the chemo, Dan became sensitive to the cold, so he would always have gloves on, even on a sunny day with a beer in hand. He didn’t want to live his life any differently or have any special treatment.” 

While noting that Dan was perfectly happy to be on his own, Joe said the family took turns to sit with Dan through his chemotherapy treatment. “Dan was Dan. He didn’t need anyone, but we wanted to do something because there was nothing else we could do. He would have been happy enough sitting watching football on his phone,” said Joe. 

Pictured: Joe said Dan was "absolutely adored" by nurses and other patients.

“Dan was the life and soul of the ward. He befriended a lot of people and, sadly, he saw a lot of them come and go while he was going through his treatments. There were times where his fellow chemo patients would share morbid thoughts , so that was always incredibly difficult,” said Joe. 

“Everyone was there for the same reason, but Dan always managed to make everyone laugh in a way only he could. Only Dan could get away with being as cheeky as he was given the circumstances; he was absolutely adored by the patients and nurses.” 

After six rounds of chemotherapy, Dan was in remission by December 2017. Sadly, his tumour marker number [a method used to detect cancer] were reported as high in mid-2018, signalling the return of the disease. 

“Dan had further chemotherapy and was then in remission for a second time. It seems strange to say, but we almost got used to him being diagnosed, having the treatment and being in remission; it almost became normal that that was the process,” said Joe. 

“When the cancer returned for the third time, I anticipated it to be the same scenario again. Dan went to Manchester for liver surgery. I will never forget I was walking the Sausmarez Park nature trail to the coast with my husband, Filipe, when my mum called to say Dan was expected to be in surgery most of the day. 

“She called back just an hour later and told me that, when the surgeons had opened him up, they found too many tumours in the abdominal cavity and there was nothing they could do. 

“It was horrible. What do you do? What can you say? There’s nothing.” 

Dan returned to the island and faced the prospect of life-prolonging chemotherapy. 

“Dan didn’t want the chemotherapy. It would potentially prolong his life, but the cancer was slowly killing him and the chemo wasn’t going to change that,” said Joe. 

Pictured: Dan hosted a ‘final farewell tour’ party at Nineteen to celebrate his life with his friends and family. He is pictured with his best friends: L-R Gavin Le Page, Craig Tyrell, Steven Ozanne, Steve Gibson, Dan and Craig Le Lerre.

“After receiving his terminal diagnosis, Dan set out to make the most of his remaining time starting with 4 days at Glastonbury for him and his girlfriend 

“Dan didn’t waste time, he wanted a big party, ‘a final farewell tour’ he’d probably call it. It was difficult to come to terms with, in a way it was like he’d given up, but it was what he wanted. If you were 36 years old and told you had only months left, why the hell not! It was a brilliant night and Dan, known as ‘Smaler’ to his friends, was on great form, making more memories for family and friends but everyone shed a few tears that night. 

“We have our cousin, Katie, in Australia and Dan had always wanted to go so he went out there with his girlfriend. She was amazing and so incredibly supportive of Dan through everything. They met up with our cousin and other family and with friends that Dan had out there,” said Joe. 

“Dan was a lifelong Leeds United supporter and, the team was playing in Australia when Dan was there. He was part of a Leeds Supporters group and they knew him as a lifelong fan so he was taken to the team parties and invited onto the pitch to see the Team walk out. It was the kind of thing that would only ever happen to Dan.” 

Pictured: After receiving his terminal diagnosis, Dan travelled to Australia, which had been on his bucket list.

Joe said that the family were inundated with people asking how they could help. 

“The support for Dan was incredible and you wouldn’t expect anything else because he was such a huge personality. My mum did a parachute jump for him in aid of MUG; it was something completely out of her comfort zone,” said Joe. 

“By that time, Dan was very sick and we weren’t sure he would make it to the landing site, but he arrived just as the plane was overhead. It was a really special moment.” 

Dan lost his battle with cancer on 2 October 2019 aged 36. 

“Dan’s funeral was incredible, as strange as that may sound but he left his wishes for us to carry out. It was held at St Martin’s Church and it was completely packed out and there were crowds of people lining the path outside,” said Joe. 

“We held his wake at the Rockmount back bar, his home from home. The wake overspilled into the front bar, the back bar, even into the car park because he was so well liked. 

“They had to bring staff in from other pubs to help serve drinks, they ran out of everything. You wouldn’t expect anything less for Dan and it was a testament to the number of lives he had an impact on.” 

Pictured: Dan was a football fanatic and lifetime supporter of Leeds United.

Since Dan’s passing, the family have been actively involved with fundraising for MUG and Bowel Cancer Guernsey. 

“There is now an annual football match in Dan’s memory called ‘Smaler’s’ charity match which is played between the Manzur team [which Dan played for] and a team of Dan’s friends and family called The Leeds United Select XI” said Joe. 

“At the end of that match, my parents present the trophy to the winner and share a hugely important message: If you don’t feel that you’re getting anywhere, get another opinion. Don’t ignore your symptoms. 

“If Dan had his diagnosis earlier, then he would be alive today. He kept getting fobbed off because he was young and because there wasn’t a family history. He knew something was wrong, so he kept going back, but it was too late. 

“It is only on reflection I think about how tired and uncomfortable Dan was and I wonder if we could have done something. You just don’t think it’s something that will happen to your family.” 

Joe and his brothers have taken part in the MUG Beard Up campaign each year and said it’s hugely important for men to talk about their health. 

“Everyone needs to be open and honest in having conversations about their health. It might feel embarrassing to talk about some things, but it’s all completely normal. The chances are, whatever symptom you’re experiencing, won’t be something sinister, but it’s so important to get things checked and be sure,” he said. 

“At the very least, thanks to Beard Up, we have that conversation once a year. The money raised stays locally and goes directly to supporting men impacted by testicular, prostate and bowel cancers, but the most important thing is to instigate those conversations."

Joe said it was still difficult to talk about the loss of his brother. “You never want to push Dan to the back of your mind, but it is still so raw and it’s impossible not to get emotional when I speak about him. I don’t think words will ever be enough to explain the loss,” he said. 

Pictured: Dan Smale, a popular Guernseyman with a "smile to light a room and a laugh to fill the High Street".

“I have a laugh like Dan and we look so similar. It is difficult when someone who knew Dan catches me out the corner of their eye or hears my laugh and you can instantly tell, they thought of Dan in that moment. It’s hard because it brings it all back up, but at the same time it’s a lovely reminder that he’s always on people’s minds. 

“Dan was the life and soul of every party. As a family, we do like a party, and that will never be the same. It is unimaginable to think that we won’t see him again. 

“The MUG message is so important: If something is not right, talk to someone and see a doctor. If it can happen to our family, it can happen to yours. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

You can donate to Joe’s fundraising efforts HERE.

Pictured top: Dan Smale passed away aged 36 after receiving a terminal bowel cancer diagnosis.